I showed up to my first day of work as the editor of the New York Times today, but the office was empty, probably due to the storm.

I wanted to live up to the paper’s tagline, “Alright, Already!” and get today’s edition completed.

I went outside and found a bunch of ducks paddling down the river/street. I offered them the crumbs of a loaf of bread if they would help. The ducks agreed.

We went up to the offices. I gave each duck a desk and computer and they began typing away. When the ducks were done, I got a loaf of bread from the fridge, broke it up in pieces and fed the ducks.

I’m now assembling what the ducks wrote for tomorrow morning’s edition. I recommend reading a great article on which Presidential candidate is most worth pooping on from the air.

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