My father is a scientist. He works for Bullion & Baxter. They are the largest scientific testing lab in the country.

He’s working on a chemical that will give dogs a pleasant timbre to their bark. Eventually it will be added to dog food.

The thing is, he gave a variation of this to my sister and I when we were kids to reduce the droning sound in our voices. He put it in our breakfast cereal.

My father says, “Where would we be without the miraculousness of the scientific method?”

I tell him we’d all be squatting in the forests, scratching our hairy butts, and not having a care in the world.

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