I have a pet bear. His name is Shamus. He’s big. I lost most of my furniture because he would amble into them and they would smash to bits. He’d feel badly about it, but I didn’t care because bears are adorable.

Shamus originally came in when I left the sliding glass doors open last fall. I was about to have some toast with honey. Shamus came in and went right up to the table and devoured the sweet snacks. I thought I was next. But Shamus had the Poo’s “What else have you got that’s tasty?” look. I opened the jar of honey and Shamus finished it off.

Shamus then sat down on the couch, smashing it flat. He fell asleep and went into hibernation for five months. I went online and found out never wake up a hibernating bear.

When he awoke in the spring he seemed content to stay in my place. I didn’t mind because I’d been considering getting a dog, and I thought this was close enough.

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