I got stuck in my tub. Lately I’ve been eating quite a lot of food. I just can’t stop eating candy and butter. In my mind I’m a food connoisseur. I pretend I’m on a TV cooking show. I’m Brooks Blenvenue, the french desert aficionado. I even have an accent.

So, I’m stuck in the tub. I’m afraid to call out to my girlfriend because she’ll come in there and see how fat I’ve become. I make sure the only time I’m naked with her is at night under the covers and I comment on the extra thick rubber sheets.

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