I got a bottle of whiskey in the mail. It was a Christmas present from my sister. I don’t drink. I thought, “What am I going to do with this?” I took off the cap and was about to pour it in the sink.

My pet iguana was watching me. He said, “Hey, can I have a little of that?”

I poured some whiskey in the bottle’s cap and set it in his cage. He lapped it down fast. He started singing, “Another One’s Bites the Dust.” The thing is, he just kept singing the chorus. After about a half hour it started bothering me.

I said, “Excuse me, but can you stop singing that?”

The iguana got angry. He stood on his hind legs and said, “You can’t tell me what to do. You think you’re my owner? Go to hell!”

He passed out. I poured out the rest of the whiskey.

I was concerned for the iguana. I put a little cotton ball under his head for a pillow. I dissolved an aspirin in his water bowl which I’m thinking will be helpful when he wakes up tomorrow morning.

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