Yesterday a panda showed up in my backyard. She climbed up my poplar tree and began eating the leaves. This made me angry because I love to gaze at the tree’s pretty foliage. I went out back and walked up to the tree.

I said, “Um, excuse me!”

The panda said, “What?”

I said, “Look, I don’t care for you eating those leaves.”

The panda said, “Thanks for telling me how you are feeling.”

I said, “No, I want you to stop.”

The panda said, “I got that the first time.”

I said, “Okay, so it’s going to be that way.”

I walked back to my house. I called the zoo. I asked them if they would be interested in a panda. They went nuts and said yes. I gave them my address. They came over in an hour, shot the panda with a tranquilizer, put it in their truck, and drove away.

I think it’s good to start out being reasonable.

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