I was walking home last night from performing at a local comedy club. I turned the corner and encountered a vampire. I couldn’t believe it. He was standing on the sidewalk with his arms outstretched. He was wearing a cape, his face was pale, his eyes were bloodshot, and of course, he had fangs. He headed in my direction.

He said, “Prepare to become immortal.”

I said, “What do you mean by immortal?”

He stopped. He said, “You’ll be one of the undead. You’ll live forever.”

I said, “And how is that good?”

He looked puzzled. He said, “Well, you never have to die…you exist in eternity…you never have to eat food again…you get to stay up all night…”

I said, “The part about staying up all night sounds okay. But the rest I don’t care for.”

He looked dejected. He said, “Really? Are you serious?”

I said, “Yes. It sounds great. But I know myself. I’d get used to living forever and then it wouldn’t be special anymore.”

He said, “Well, do you know anyone who might be interested in this?”

I thought about it. I said, “No, sorry.”

He walked on into the night.

I’m finding my life has become a lot simpler since I’ve been direct with people.

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