3 things that happened to me

3 things that happened to me

I was upset at the sky. No particular reason. It rubbed me the wrong way. The sky took it personally and filled with clouds. It soon started to rain. The ground didn’t like this and told me I needed to friend myself with the sky. I said that wouldn’t be honest to my feelings. The ground began to shake. I got the message and looked up at the sky and fake professed my love and asked for forgiveness. I guess because the sky was far away, it didn’t catch on to my false nature. The rain stopped and the clouds split. The sun spurt me with its rays. I nodded, pretending that I liked it.

One of the otters at the zoo said something disparaging to my wife. She looked at me to say something to them. I didn’t want to get in a fight with her so I said something mean-spirited back to the otter. Another otter, defending the original otter, said something fowl about my demeanor. That got my goat and I sent a barrage of vile word bombs back. The rest of the otters yelled upsetting statements my way. I jumped the metal fence, landed in the otter’s pool, and got into physical altercations with the otters en masse. Some employees of the zoo jumped in and pulled me back on land. I was seething, wet, and smelled badly because otters peed in that water. I went with my wife to the gift shop and bought myself sweat pants and a jacket with the zoo’s insignia. Then we went to see the bears.

I’d had enough and tunneled to the Core of the Earth. The Core was in a bad mood and asked what I was doing there. I said I’d needed to get away from things. The Core asked me to leave. I said that I couldn’t right away because I was tired from all the tunneling. The Core sighed hard and asked how long I would need to rest up. I said I didn’t know, maybe a couple of hours. The Core sighed harder and tried to ignore me. I attempted to rest but it was hard to relax because the atmosphere was tense. The Core kept looking at its watch and sighing. In an attempt to soften the strained relations, I asked what was bugging the Core so much anyway. The Core said something about how it was its birthday was yesterday and no one remembered. I didn’t care a tiny ounce about the Core’s birthday but in an attempt to lesson its ire I mumbled something along the lines of Happy Birthday. The Core thanked me and asked why I needed to get away from things. I said every two weeks I get my fill of dumb stuff and go to some isolated place. Two weeks ago I’d gone to the Moon and spent a long day listening to the Moon complain that no one ever calls it by its name, Poultice Jones.

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