Good riddance

I had enough with things and got in my rocket ship and flew to the Moon. When I got there, I put on my space suit and went outside. I unfolded my small camping chair and sat down.

I looked up at the Earth. I thought about all the things back there that were stressing me out. I breathed heavily and steamed up the glass on my space helmet.

The Earth acidly said, “What?”

I didn’t say anything.

The Earth said, “You know what? Don’t come back. I’m better of without you.”

I turned my seat around and looked out at the blackness and stars of space.

A star off in the distance winked at me. The star winked again.

I said, “What?”

The star said, “The Earth is an asshole. If you’d like, you can come and live on me. I’ll be nice to you.”

I said, “Okay.” I got back in my space ship and headed towards the new star.

As I got further away, I looked in my rear view mirror and noticed the Earth wasn’t any further from me. I stepped on the gas, and saw that the Earth was now much closer. I realized it had left its orbit moorings and was coming after me.

I put the pedal to the metal, but the Earth was almost on me. The Earth shouted, “I’m gonna kick your ass!!” I slammed on the breaks and the Earth crashed into me, shattering into billions of pieces. I was okay.

Drifting off into space, the pieces of Earth reflected in the Sun’s rays as a bright blue mist.