I took my time machine back to 1776 and Philadelphia. I got out and walked to Ackner’s and Bickner’s Upholstery and Sundries. I was met by employee Betsy Ross. 

I told her I was from the future and asked if I could see the first American flag. 

Betsy Ross said, “Sir, you are the 723rd gentleman this week to court me by time machine contraption. I will tell you as I’ve told them all, I know not of this flag you speak of. I’m am perplexed and vexed by this granditude of attention!” 

I apologized and said that I, as well as thousands of other men, had developed crushes on her ever since we saw an etching of her sewing in our second grade history books. 

I spent the week in a stockade.

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