I got a pet mole. 

I dug a hole in my backyard, pointed towards it, and said to the mole, “Mole, this is your new home.” 

The mole looked at the hole, then back at me. The mole said, “Listen, my name is Tad. And I’m tired of living in dirt. I want to live with you in the house.” 

I said, “Sorry, I didn’t know your name was Tad.” 

Tad the mole said, “Well, you never asked.” 

I said that I was sorry. There was some tense silence. 

I wondered why I ever thought that having a pet would be a relaxing experience.

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