Gum

When I was a kid I liked to chew gum. I put a stick of gum in my mouth when I woke up, and kept stoking the wad with fresh sticks all day long. Sometimes I would fall asleep at night with this big mass of gum in my mouth and chew while I slept.

I said very little during the day in order to maintain the chewing. I learned to communicate through nods, winks and utterances.

My gum proclivity caused me to have amazingly well-developed jaw muscles. I remember my first girlfriend, Karen Badget, hanging from my jaws during recess and singing, “I can see for miles, and miles and miles and miles and miles!”

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