I went to Confession.

I said, “Forgive me father for I have sinned. I failed to come to a complete stop at a stop sign.”

The priest said, “Seriously, is that it?”

I said, “Yes.”

The priest got up, left the confessional, pulled me out of the confession booth and took me to a bar. The priest got me drunk. Then we went to a grocery store and the priest convinced me to shoplift some apples. Then we got back in my car and the priest had me crash into a light post.

We walked back to the church, the priest pushed me into the confessional, and then he went over to his side.

The priest said, “Yes, my son?”

I said, “Forgive me father, I forgot to tip the bartender.”

The priest said, “Never mind.”

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