Being Santa

I got a job as Santa at Macy’s. I dressed up in the suit and went out and sat in the big red chair. I looked out at the line. They were all adults. I said to the elf assistant, “Where are their kids?” The elf said, “No kids.”

I said, “Ho-ho-ho, okay, who’s next?”

This older guy came up to me. He was about sixty. He sat on my thigh. He was heavy.

I said, “Tell Santa what you’d like for Christmas.”

The guy was weary. He sighed. I said, “Don’t be shy.”

The guy said, “Well, Santa. I’d like to not feel so lousy when I get up in the morning. And I’d like to get over my TV addiction….” He started coughing. The elf handed the man some kleenex. The guy coughed into it.

I didn’t know what to say. I thought it was best to listen and be encouraging. I said, “Okay, well have yourself a merry little Christmas.”

He looked away and quietly said, “Thank you, Santa.”

He got up and left. A woman came up and sat on my knee. I said, “Yes, young lady, tell Santa what you want for Christmas.”

She said, “Santa, I want to be able to sleep through the night. I wake up so much. I never feel rested. I’d also like to stop worrying so much. It’s not like I have a lot of problems. But I can’t stop worrying…Umm, I’d like to lose some weight. Not a lot. Just twenty pounds.” She was crying.

I looked over at the elf for assistance. He shrugged. I nodded towards the tissue box. He grabbed a few tissues and handed them too her.

I waited while she dried her eyes and then said, “Okay, well, um, Santa will see what he can do…Merrrrry Christmas!”

She got up slowly and thanked me.

Next was a very elderly man. He walked slowly with great difficulty. He very carefully sat on my leg. He was so light that I could barely tell he was there.

I said, “Ho-ho-ho, and what would you like for Christmas?”

He didn’t say anything for a while. Then he said, “I don’t want anything. I’m tired and need to rest.”

I said, “Okay, take your time.”